The song a thousand years is currently playing in the background, but my heart and mind is somewhere wandering in my distant past, thinking of what did I get myself in to?
I always remind myself of stop worrying, I am in my late 20’s, happy, independent, currently looking forward to fulfilling my long wanted dream and surrounded by amazing loved ones. I know for sure that a lot of girls would kill to be in my shoes, but why do I feel so afraid? I keep worrying that maybe one day I might end up hurt again, worrying that one day, the person that I have given all my love and trust will fail me again. (Again, the attack of my unending trust issues.)
What are the guarantees that I won’t be feeling these pain? The answer is none. I have realised that I must live my life to the fullest, bear the pain, probably I might dodge a bullet in the future or get stabbed repeatedly. Yet pain is an essential part of living, of loving. Without pain you will never know how it was fulfilling to love someone with all your heart.
I need to stop worrying, I have to take a deep breath and let go of all the hesitations, worries, future heartaches and disappointments. I have to stop hanging onto my past and comparing it with my present. Thinking that the person I have now will do the same thing. I have to start forgiving myself for all my past mistakes and give myself time to explore and trust again.
I have to stop worrying, everything is going to be all right. This new person came into my life unexpectedly and I bet, there is a reason for that. I have to stop thinking of what could possibly go wrong, instead I have to start living my present to make room for my future. I should stop being too negative and letting wonderful moments pass me by, I got to live my life, and love the person I am with wholeheartedly. No exceptions, no inhibitions, no conditions and hesitations. Only my full LOVE and TRUST. So stop worrying Sweet, everything is going to be okay.
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