I admit that I am not the ideal specimen for love, hug and kiss stuff, yet considering that I still have a long path to take, but honestly, this is really a tight spot that is going through my mind right now. Basically I haven’t cried lately, I’m still smiling, laughing my ass out to the so called happiness, or maybe this is just my vindication for me not to feel the pain inside, or maybe this is a big defiance of what I am absolutely feeling right now.
Everything seemed to work so well lately, all of my friends are so damn nice and loving; even my work mates are so supportive of my well off modulated broken hearted aura. Laugh all you want, but still if you could only feel how I am feeling right now, if only you could understand and make me depict the things that is flashing in my mind right now, maybe a puff of cigar is not just enough to kill the time and kill away this vast torture in my life. How do I run away from this shameless corner of broken promises and lie. I have been turning round and round in circles but amazingly this silent killer is totally crushing me piece by piece and my entire life right now is damn broken. I don’t want to cry, I just want to forget it, I don’t know how, I don’t even know when, where this aching heart will stop.
This is mostly the story of my life. I still sing shit, scream likes bitches and crap, I still consider butt-headed freaks as jerks and nomad. I’m still sweet, still dreaming of my prince and hopefully one day he would swept me off my feet away from this impound state of agony and deception, he may not have a great name nor be as handsome as wenty’s and my so called fantasy sam milby but I still believe that someway, one way or another, I will find him and when that time comes I will try to trust my instincts again.